10% Happier with Dan Harris

Which conflict style are you? Plus: avoiding the "trance of nice," walking the high wire, and an uber-hack for getting over irritation.
devon + nico hase serve as guiding teachers of the online dharma community Refuge of Belonging. They teach at the Insight Meditation Society, Spirit Rock, and other centers, offer online and in-person retreats, and speak with students in one-on-one sessions. They are the co-authors of How Not to Be a Hot Mess and the new This Messy, Gorgeous Love: A Buddhist Guide to Lasting Partnership. 
In this episode we talk about:
Why friction in relationships is a feature, not a bug
The three directions of listening
Why joy isn't a nice-to-have
How contemplating death can dissolve everyday irritation
Whether you're a volcano, a diplomat, or a dodger
How to rupture like a pro
Why real patience has teeth
What it means to walk the high wire in a conflict
Related Episodes:
The Sex Episode
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Six archetypes: Which one are you? Plus, a simple question to help you distinguish real, current fears from old, outdated ones.
Dr. Galit Atlas is an internationally renowned psychoanalyst and leader in relational psychoanalysis. She teaches at NYU and Columbia University and lectures internationally on sexuality, desire, and emotional inheritance. Her latest book is Come Closer. You can also read her essays on Substack, Wild Analysis with Dr. Galit Atlas.
In this episode we talk about:
The six childhood archetypes that quietly run your adult relationships
Why the version of you that felt too big or too small never actually grew up
A simple question to ask yourself the moment old fear takes over
The surprising link between blame and a feeling you'd rather not name
What separates jealousy from envy — and why it matters more than you think
The phrases people use when they're secretly telling you the opposite
Why setting boundaries feels like betrayal if you were raised a certain way
The real reason acceptance has to come before change, not after
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OSEA: Go to OSEAMalibu.com and get 10% off your first order with code HAPPIER.
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What kids can teach you about how to handle anger, being uptight, and rejection, according to the creator of Recess Therapy.
Julian Shapiro-Barnum is a comedian, writer, and interviewer known for Recess Therapy, Celebrity Substitute, and Outside Tonight. He's won seven Webby Awards, was named to the Forbes 30 Under 30, and received a Family Entertainment Award from Variety. His first book is How to Grow Up Without Becoming a Grown-Up.
In this episode we talk about:
The playground question kids ask that adults are too scared to say out loud
Why Julian stopped calling it your "inner child" — and what he calls it instead
The trick for making feelings pass in minutes instead of weeks
How breaking a rule on purpose can loosen something bigger in you
The childhood habit that makes rejection sting so much less
What growing up with five parents taught Julian about talking to anyone
A tiny physical habit that can snowball into real change
Why the most viral moment of his career wasn't about wisdom at all
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Planet Visionaries: In partnership with The Rolex Perpetual Planet Initiative, listen to or watch Planet Visionaries wherever you get your podcasts.
Fitnexa: You can learn more about the FitNexa Somnipods 3 at fitnexa.com and use the code HAPPIER10 for $10 off your order.
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The famed exoneree on making life worth living every day, flipping the narrative on the bad things, and the ancient Japanese practice of kintsugi.
Amanda Knox is an exoneree, journalist, comedian, and bestselling author of Waiting to Be Heard and FREE: My Search for Meaning. She hosts the podcast Hard Knox and advocates for criminal justice reform and media ethics.
In this episode we talk about:
The one question Amanda Knox asks herself whenever something bad happens
Why understanding someone who wronged you can matter more than forgiving them
What a centuries-old Japanese art form taught Amanda about coming back from being broken
The mindset shift that got her through years in prison, one day at a time
Why accepting your life exactly as it is might be the first step to changing it
The hidden trap inside feeling like a victim
Why other people's version of you was never actually yours to carry
 
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Additional Resources: 
Amanda's Resilience series on Waking Up (plus her affiliate link).
Dan's affiliate link for Waking Up.
This episode is sponsored by:
Planet Visionaries: In partnership with The Rolex Perpetual Planet Initiative, listen to or watch Planet Visionaries wherever you get your podcasts.
Function Health: Join at functionhealth.com/HAPPIER and use code HAPPIER25 for a $25 credit.
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Plus: why being your 'best self' isn't about being nice or passive, why regulation starts before things go wrong, and how 'polyregulation' can help you up your game.
Marc Brackett, Ph.D. is the author of Dealing with Feeling: Use Your Emotions to Create the Life You Want and the bestselling Permission to Feel. He is the founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and a professor in the Child Study Center at Yale University. You can watch Marc's podcast interviews here. 
In this episode we talk about:
Why your "true self" might be the worst version of you
The five-step process for catching yourself before you explode
What to tell yourself in the doorway before you walk into a hard moment
Why breathwork alone won't fix everything you're feeling
The simple fix for total disengagement in your next Zoom meeting
Why your best self should never be a doormat
How to repair after you say the nastiest thing you've ever said
How to build a go-to strategy before you even need it
Related Episodes:
 The Science of Emotion Regulation: Strategies for When You're Anxious, Angry, or Comparing Yourself To Others | Marc Brackett

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Additional Resources: 
This episode is sponsored by:

BetterHelp: Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/HAPPIER.
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