How To Deal

Episode Summary
In this deeply insightful episode, Eli sits down with Tia Gamelin — neurodiversity-affirming pediatric occupational therapist, ADHD coach, and mother of four — to explore the hidden sensory world underneath your child's "difficult" behavior. Together they unpack why behavior is always communication, why there are actually eight senses (not five), and how understanding your child's sensory profile can radically transform your relationship with them — and with yourself as a parent.
Key Takeaways
Behavior is communication that comes out sideways. When children act out, they are not being defiant — they are telling us their sensory system is overwhelmed and needs support.
There are 8 senses, not 5. In addition to sight, smell, taste, touch, and hearing, children also rely on the vestibular system (inner gyroscope/movement), proprioception (body position in space), and interoception (internal body signals linked to emotional regulation).
The sensory traffic jam: In children with sensory processing differences, sensory signals don't travel smoothly — they get "jammed," making the world feel confusing, frightening, and overwhelming.
Environment is everything. Tia's EAR Triangle (Environment → Activity → Response) teaches us to look at the physical, temporal, and social environment first before trying to change a child's behavior.
Neurodivergence is not a disorder — it's a difference. Dr. Nancy Doyle's research argues that if neurodivergence only created disability, it would not persist in the gene pool. These are specialist thinkers the world needs.
Disability vs. impairment: People have impairments; environments create disability. Our job is to modify the environment, not fix the child.
Co-regulation is not a crutch. Children — and even adults — borrow regulated states from trusted others. Helping a dysregulated child feel safe IS the intervention.
Visual schedules work. When a child is dysregulated, meaningful speech is the first thing they lose. Pictures and visual tools bypass the verbal brain and help organize their world.
Guardrails aren't restrictive — they're freeing. Structure and predictability lower the cognitive load for neurodivergent kids so they can actually show up and learn.
You are also on this journey. Parenting a neurodivergent child often surfaces your own unidentified sensory needs and processing differences. Grace for yourself is part of the work.

About the Guest
Tia Gamelin, OTR/L, ADHD-CCSP is a mother of four with over 22 years of experience as a neurodiversity-affirming pediatric occupational therapist specializing in sensory integration and supporting twice-exceptional learners. She is passionate about the Montessori approach and brings a holistic, joyful lens to helping kids and families thrive.
🌐 Website: Black Bird Therapy Group
💼 LinkedIn: Tia Gamelin
📸 Instagram: @tiagamelin
📧 Email: [email protected]

Resources Mentioned
📗 Jean Ayres — Sensory Integration and the Child (25th Anniversary Edition) The foundational text by the mother of sensory integration theory. Essential reading for parents of kids with sensory processing differences. Amazon link
🔬 Dr. Nancy Doyle — Neurodiversity at Work: A Biopsychosocial Model and the Impact on Working Adults (British Medical Bulletin, 2020) The peer-reviewed paper Tia references about why neurodivergence persists in the gene pool — and why that matters. Oxford Academic / British Medical Bulletin | PubMed
📊 CHADD — ADHD Prevalence Data (1 in 9 children) The source behind the statistic that approximately 1 in 9 U.S. children have been diagnosed with ADHD. CHADD General Prevalence Page
📊 CDC — Autism Spectrum Disorder Data (1 in 31 children) CDC's ADDM Network data showing approximately 1 in 31 children aged 8 years have been identified with ASD. CDC ASD Data & Statistics
🧠 Interoception & the Insula — Research Overview Research on interoception, the "eighth sense" located in the insula, and its role in emotional regulation. Stanford / Menon Lab (2024) | NIH PMC — Anterior Insular Cortex & Emotional Awareness
📉 Negative Comments Research — ADHD & Neurodivergent Children Research (attributed to psychiatrist William W. Dodson) indicating that children with ADHD receive significantly more negative messages by early school age than their neurotypical peers. Free to Be Counselling Overview

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program
Connect with Eli:
Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

Episode Summary
If you've ever whispered to yourself, "Is it too late? Have I already done too much damage?" — this episode is for you. Eli sits down with Wendy Snyder, founder of Fresh Start Family and author of the brand-new book Fresh Start Your Family, to talk about the most hopeful truth in parenting: it is never too late to start over. Wendy shares her own raw journey from a reactive, overwhelmed mom to a parenting educator who has helped thousands of families worldwide break the cycle of fear-based discipline — and she brings the receipts, the real stories, and the practical tools to prove it.
Key Takeaways
You are not failing — your nervous system is repeating what it knows. When you snap, yell, or fall back into old patterns, it's not a character flaw. It's a conditioned response. Self-compassion is the first step to change, not a luxury.
Failure is just unfinished success. Mistakes — yours and your kids' — are opportunities to learn, not evidence that you're a bad parent. 99% of mistakes are repairable.
Your nervous system chooses the comfortable hell over the uncomfortable heaven — until it gets enough data that something new is safe. Change is possible, but it takes consistent small steps and community support.
Repair is greater than perfection. A true repair includes: owning your part, affirming your child's dignity ("You don't deserve to be spoken to that way"), sharing what you're learning, and doing a make-up — an act of service to restore the relationship.
Strong-willed kids are cycle breakers. They are the ones who force the change. Their resistance to fear-based tactics is a feature, not a bug.
A fresh start is available at every age — with toddlers, tweens, teens, and yes, even as an adult child with aging parents. Humility + willingness = the beginning of change.
True leadership isn't certainty and control — it's maintaining connection while holding dignity for the whole family.

About the Guest
Wendy Snyder is the founder & CEO of Fresh Start Family, an online worldwide educational positive parenting platform, and host of The Fresh Start Family Show podcast. Through her transformational programs, coaching, and courses, Wendy has helped thousands of families break generational cycles of fear, punishment, and disconnection. Her new book, Fresh Start Your Family: Powerful Parenting to Restore Peace in Your Home, is available now.
Connect with Wendy:
🌐 Website: freshstartfamilyonline.com
📸 Instagram: @freshstartwendy
👍 Facebook: Fresh Start Family
💼 LinkedIn: Wendy Snyder
🐦 Twitter/X: @freshstartwendy

Resources Mentioned
📘 Fresh Start Your Family by Wendy Snyder — Wendy's new book on powerful parenting to restore peace in your home
🌐 Fresh Start Family Online — Wendy's parenting platform with courses, coaching, and community
💪 Strong-Willed Kids Free Resource — Free guide & workshop for parents of strong-willed children
🧠 Freedom to Be Retreat – Fresh Start Family — Wendy's immersive life coaching weekend retreat for healing limiting beliefs and nervous system patterns
📖 The Garden Within by Dr. Anita Phillips — Referenced for her work on nervous system, emotions, and healing (NYT & WSJ Bestseller, featured on Oprah's Super Soul Podcast)
🌿 Dr. Anita Phillips – Website — Trauma therapist, minister, and thought leader at the intersection of mental health, faith, and culture

Connect
🔒 Secure Parenting Program: attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program
🌐 Eli's Website: attachmentnerd.com
📸 Instagram: @attachmentnerd
🎵 TikTok: @attachmentnerd
🎶 Music by Gold Child: goldchildmusic.com

Episode Summary
Did you know humming can literally lower your heart rate in the middle of a parenting meltdown? In this episode, Eli is joined by bestselling children's music artist and mindfulness expert Kira Willey to unpack the science of why rhythm is one of the most powerful regulation tools available to parents and kids — and how to start using it today.
From butterfly taps to transition songs to the Ha Ha Hyena game, Kira shares practical, playful, and science-backed strategies that work with how children's brains actually develop — through music, movement, and imagination. Whether you're in the middle of a chaotic morning routine or trying to head off a bedtime meltdown, this episode will change the way you think about the music already in your life.
Key Takeaways
Rhythm is structure — the organized, predictable beat of music has a biologically calming effect on the nervous system, even in babies.
Humming is a secret superpower — a 2023 study found humming lowers heart rate and increases heart rate variability (HRV), activating the parasympathetic nervous system and reducing stress.
Butterfly taps work — rhythmic self-tapping (crossing arms and gently patting your own shoulders) can bring groundedness during moments of high frustration.
Music bypasses words — instead of talking at dysregulated kids, music engages entirely different parts of the brain, bringing more attention and focus.
Transition songs are magic — a simple song tied to getting in the car, cleaning up toys, or sitting down to dinner creates predictability and reduces meltdowns.
Music creates durable memories — information set to melody is remembered differently in the brain. People with dementia can still sing their wedding song when they can't remember family members' names.
Singing together releases oxytocin — communal music-making (even just humming or clapping) releases the love and trust hormone, lowers collective heart rate, and builds genuine connection.
You are the DJ of your home's vibe — music is the fastest, easiest tool you have to set the emotional tone of any room, any moment.
Practice tools before you need them — teach kids breathing games and rhythm exercises during calm times so those tools are ready when big feelings hit.

About the Guest
Kira Willey is an award-winning children's music artist, author, and kids' yoga and mindfulness expert. She is the bestselling author of Breathe Like a Bear and her brand-new book The Joyful Child: Calm the Chaos, Connect with Your Kids, and Create More Happiness in Your Daily Routines. Kira is also the co-creator and host of three PBS mindfulness, music, and yoga television shows and creator of Rockin' Yoga school programs.
🌐 Website: kirawilley.com
📖 Book Website: thejoyfulchildbook.com
📸 Instagram: @kirawilley
💼 LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kirawilley
🐦 Twitter/X: @kirawilley

Resources Mentioned
📘 The Joyful Child by Kira Willey — Amazon | Penguin Random House
📘 Breathe Like a Bear by Kira Willey — Amazon
🔬 2023 Humming/HRV Study (Trivedi et al., Cureus) — Read the study
🧠 The HALT Framework (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) — a simple self-check tool for knowing when to pause conflict
🎶 Rockin' Yoga School Programs by Kira Willey — kirawilley.com
🖨️ Free Mindfulness Printables for Kids (with book order) — kirawilley.com

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program
Connect with Eli:
Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

How to Deal with Kids Who Say "I'm Bored" — with Lizzie Assa
Episode Summary
Parenting coach and author Lizzie Assa joins Eli to unpack why modern parents have accidentally taken over their children's play — and how to give it back. From reframing boredom as a bid for connection, to setting up "play pockets" around your home, this episode is a practical, permission-giving guide to raising kids who can play independently.
Key Takeaways
Play belongs to the child. Your job is not to optimize or entertain during play — it's to protect the time and space for it.
Boredom isn't a failure. When your child says "I'm bored," it can be a bid for connection — and it's a sign you've reserved unstructured time for them.
Be a mirror, not an entertainer. When kids invite you into play, give the control back: "Tell me what the puppy does."
Play pockets work. Bring open-ended materials to where life already happens in your home — the kitchen, laundry room, even the bathroom cabinet.
Less really is more. Too many toys create decision fatigue and actually prevent kids from entering deep imaginative play.
Independent play is a skill that takes practice. Like learning to read, it needs gradual scaffolding — not a scheduled demand.
Close the loop. Come back after the play session to notice and name what your child accomplished. This builds play confidence.

About the Guest
Lizzie Assa, MS Ed is a parenting coach, former preschool teacher, and founder of The Workspace for Children — a platform followed by over 200K parents on Instagram. She is the author of But I'm Bored!: Discover the Power of Independent Play to Raise Confident, Resilient Kids (G.P. Putnam's Sons, 2026), which she also narrated as an audiobook.
🌐 Website: workspaceforchildren.com
📸 Instagram: @theworkspaceforchildren
📬 Substack: The Workspace for Children on Substack

Resources Mentioned
📗 But I'm Bored! by Lizzie Assa — Amazon | Penguin Random House
🎧 But I'm Bored! Audiobook (read by Lizzie herself) — Amazon Audible
🌐 The Workspace for Children — play guides, coaching, and playspace design resources
📬 The Workspace for Children Substack — weekly ideas for independent play
🛒 Lizzie's Curated Toy & Play Favorites — open-ended toy recommendations mentioned in the episode

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program
Connect with Eli:
Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

Episode Summary
In this powerful solo episode, Eli Harwood gets real about one of the hardest parenting challenges there is: how do you help your child feel safe and secure when you don't feel safe yourself? Drawing from a deeply personal experience — her six-year-old daughter's unexpected ICU admission — Eli walks through the core principles of attachment-based parenting under pressure. Whether you're navigating a family health crisis, divorce, oppression, or uncertainty in the world, this episode will remind you that your presence is one of the most powerful medicines you can offer your kids.
Key Takeaways
Your job isn't to remove fear — it's to make sure your child doesn't feel alone in it. Saying "everything's fine" when it isn't is a dismissal; acknowledging "this feels hard" is connection.
Attachment systems exist for moments of threat. Crisis doesn't break attachment — it activates it.
Act on what you can control, then become emotional support. Take practical steps to remove real threat, but once you've done what you can, your presence is the intervention.
Distinguish removing threat from removing discomfort. We aren't supposed to shield our kids from all discomfort — we're meant to protect them from real danger and walk alongside them through the rest.
You cannot pour from an empty cup. Your nervous system needs co-regulation too. Lean on your community so you can show up for your kids.
Imperfection is part of the process. Crisis is messy. Keep returning to connection — that returning is what secure attachment feels like to a child.
The 'Good Enough Parent' is one who keeps coming back. D.W. Winnicott's concept reminds us that reliability and repair matter far more than perfection.

About Eli Harwood
Eli Harwood (MA, LPC), known as @attachmentnerd, is a licensed therapist, USA TODAY bestselling author, and Child Psychology Award winner with 19+ years of clinical experience. She is a mom of three and the creator of Attachment Nerd, a community of 1.2M+ caregivers worldwide. Eli translates peer-reviewed attachment research into plain-language tools that help parents build trust, connection, and resilience with their kids — without shame or blame.
🌐 Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Resources Mentioned
📖 Eli's Newest Book — How to Deal with Your __ So Your Kids Don't Have To (the book referenced in the episode with a chapter on parental loneliness) https://www.amazon.com/Deal-Your-__-Kids-Dont/dp/1632175967
📖 Eli's Book — Raising Securely Attached Kids (USA TODAY Bestseller, Child Psychology Award winner) https://www.amazon.com/Raising-Securely-Attached-Kids-Connection-Focused/dp/B0CPDP7DT5
📖 Eli's Book — Securely Attached (attachment workbook for adults) https://www.amazon.com/Securely-Attached-Transform-Attachment-Relationships/dp/1632174898
🧠 D.W. Winnicott's "Good Enough Mother/Parent" concept — learn more via Wikipedia overview: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Good_enough_parent
🎓 Secure Parenting Program (Pay-What-You-Can) https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program
Connect with Eli:
Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/