Passion Struck with John R. Miles

What if the most human thing about us isn’t happiness, survival, or even love but the relentless need to feel we matter?
In this profound installment of the You Matter series on Passion Struck, MacArthur Fellow and National Humanities Medalist Rebecca Newberger Goldstein joins the show to unpack her groundbreaking book The Mattering Instinct: How Our Deepest Longing Drives Us and Divides Us (Liveright, January 13, 2026).
A philosopher and novelist celebrated for Plato at the Googleplex and The Mind-Body Problem, Goldstein argues that this primal instinct is uniquely human. Rooted in self-reflection and our resistance to entropy, it propels our greatest achievements and darkest conflicts. Through vivid stories—from William James overcoming depression to a neo-Nazi skinhead’s redemption, Scott Joplin’s tragic devotion to his opera, and an impoverished Chinese woman rescuing abandoned babies—Goldstein reveals how “mattering projects” shape identity, relationships, culture, and even atrocities.
She distinguishes true mattering (an inward justification of our existence) from mere connectedness (belonging to others), explores four “continents” on the mattering map (Transcenders, Heroic Strivers, Socializers, Competitors), and offers a moral boundary: align with life and flourishing against disorder and entropy.
This conversation probes a crisis at the heart of modern life: In a world of metrics, performance, and isolation, how do we answer the question “Do I really matter?” and live with mercy toward one another’s vulnerable longings?
If you wrestle with purpose, dignity, meaning, leadership, or why humans create beauty and harm, this episode delivers a clarifying, compassionate framework for understanding ourselves and our divided world.
Passion Struck is the #1 alternative health podcast and personal growth podcast dedicated to human flourishing and the science of mattering. It is ranked #1 on FeedSpot’s list of the Top Passion Podcasts on the Web, recognizing the show’s commitment to thoughtful, human-centered conversations like this one.
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Check out Kalshi and use my code SB60 for a great deal: https://kalshi.com
Check the full show notes here: https://passionstruck.com/mattering-instinct-rebecca-newberger-goldstein/
Download a Free Companion Reflection Guide: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1dy59XSRcQgovN3N-KNbHILa9GO91Tou-/view?usp=sharing
Connect with John Keynote speaking, books, and podcast: https://linktr.ee/John_R_Miles
Pre-Order the Children’s Book You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/
Learn More About Rebecca Newberger Goldstein: https://rebeccagoldstein.com
The Mattering Instinct: How Our Deepest Longing Drives Us and Divides Us
Available wherever books are sold.
In This Episode, You Will Learn
Why the mattering instinct is the most peculiar and poignant thing about being human
How self-reflection and entropy resistance turn biological survival into an existential question of justification
The crucial distinction between connectedness (mattering to others) and true mattering (deserving our own attention)
How the four continents of the mattering map—Transcenders, Heroic Strivers, Socializers, and Competitors—reveal our diverse responses to the same instinct
Why this longing fuels extraordinary creation (art, altruism, discovery) and profound harm (atrocities, zero-sum competition)
Entropy as a real constraint on meaning: ways of living that sustain order, care, and flourishing vs. those that accelerate disorder
The vulnerability this instinct creates—and why it demands we treat one another with kindness
Support the Movement
Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it. https://StartMattering.com
Disclaimer
The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a licensed physician, therapist, or other qualified professional.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We are taught from the schoolyard to the boardroom that our value is a variable, something that fluctuates based on our last win, our latest promotion, or our ability to remain relentlessly productive. But what happens when the "doing" stops?
In this deeply personal solo episode of Passion Struck, John R. Miles pulls back the curtain on a phenomenon he calls the "speech impediment of the soul." Drawing from a life-altering traumatic brain injury at age five and his subsequent climb through the ranks of the Navy and Fortune 50 leadership, John explores the quiet disorientation that follows when we trade our voices for safety and our existence for achievement.
As we approach the February 24th launch of his new children’s book, You Matter, Luma, John reveals why mattering is the "preventative medicine" the human spirit requires to stop the cycle of over-performance and invisibility. This episode is a call to end the trade and finally reclaim a sense of worth that requires no strings attached.
Passion Struck is the #1 alternative health and personal growth podcast dedicated to human flourishing and the science of mattering. It is ranked #1 on FeedSpot’s list of the Top Passion Podcasts on the Web, recognizing the show’s ongoing commitment to thoughtful, human-centered conversations.
Check the full show notes here: https://passionstruck.com/healing-childhood-trauma-feeling-invisible-adult/
All links gathered here, including books, Substack, YouTube, and Start Mattering apparel: https://linktr.ee/John_R_Miles
In This Episode, You Will Learn
The Shattered Window: How early life trauma can rewrite your reality and create a "performance trap" that follows you into adulthood.
The Speech Impediment of the Soul: Identifying the hidden whisper that tells high-achievers they only matter if they are producing.
The Maximizer’s Prison: Why modern life’s obsession with optimization and "best" choices actually erodes human dignity.
The Luma Truth: How to shift from mattering through achievement to mattering through existence.
The Wordless Tie: Practical tools for building a profound connection with others that doesn't rely on perfect words or performance.
Mattering Mirrors: Why we must decouple excellence from worth to protect the next generation (and our own inner child).
The Adult Mattering Audit: Four specific questions to help you diagnose and heal your own quiet disorientation.
Preventative Medicine: How the message of You Matter, Luma acts as a shield for children ages 4–8 against the optimization trap.
Companion Reflection & Integration Resources
Inside The Ignited Life, each episode in the You Matter series is paired with guided reflection prompts and grounding practices. These are designed to help you examine where your relationships circulate care—and where they quietly extract it—to help you move from "doing" back to "being."
Explore the community: https://TheIgnitedLife.net
Connect with the Ecosystem
Pre-order You Matter, Luma (releasing February 24): https://youmatterluma.com/
Support the Movement: https://StartMattering.com
Watch on YouTube: Search for Passion Struck with John R. Miles
Disclaimer
The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed are those of the host and guests and do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a licensed physician, therapist, or other qualified professional.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What happens when strength is defined as self-sufficiency, emotional restraint, and constant proof?
In this episode of Passion Struck, licensed psychologist and leadership coach Daniel Ellenberg, PhD, joins Passion Struck to explore how traditional masculine scripts shape identity, relationships, and the lived experience of mattering often at a hidden cost.
Ellenberg has spent more than four decades facilitating men’s groups and workshops, guiding thousands of men through questions of emotional intelligence, vulnerability, and relational presence. As the founder of Strength with Heart, co-founder of Relationships That Work, and a principal at the Rewire Leadership Institute, his work examines how cultural expectations around masculinity quietly teach boys and men to armor themselves against dependence, tenderness, and uncertainty.
In this conversation, John R. Miles and Daniel Ellenberg examine how early conditioning trains men to equate worth with performance, stoicism, and self-reliance and how that training disrupts connection, intimacy, and the felt sense of significance across adulthood. The discussion explores why many capable, caring men experience isolation despite success, why vulnerability often feels dangerous rather than connective, and how reclaiming “strength with heart” restores agency, belonging, and relational vitality.
As part of the You Matter series — and leading toward the February 24th release of You Matter, Luma — this episode traces how lessons about visibility, emotional permission, and worth are learned early and reinforced across families, workplaces, and institutions.
This episode invites a deeper question: What happens to mattering when strength requires concealment, and what becomes possible when presence replaces performance?
If you care about relationships, leadership, men’s mental health, emotional development, or how people come to feel significant inside cultural systems, this conversation offers a grounded and humane perspective.
Passion Struck is the #1 alternative health podcast dedicated to human flourishing and the science of mattering. It is consistently ranked among the world’s top podcasts for thoughtful conversations about meaning, agency, and belonging.
Check out Kalshi and use my code SB60 for a great deal: https://kalshi.com
In This Episode, You Will Learn
How traditional masculinity conditions boys to armor against vulnerability early in life
Why proving strength through stoicism often undermines connection and intimacy
How emotional performance replaces presence in many male relationships
The difference between power as control and strength as integration
Why vulnerability signals mattering inside relationships and communities
How loneliness, isolation, and burnout emerge from unmet relational significance
What “strength with heart” looks like in leadership, parenting, and partnership
How authenticity restores agency and relational circulation
Resources & Links
Check the full show notes: https://passionstruck.com/strength-with-heart-daniel-ellenberg/
Download the Free Companion Reflection Guide:
Pre-Order the Children’s Book You Matter, Luma (Launching February 24): https://youmatterluma.com/
Connect with John — speaking, books, and podcast: https://linktr.ee/John_R_Miles
Learn More About Daniel Ellenberg:
https://strengthwithheart.com/
https://relationshipsthatwork.com/
Books Mentioned
Lovers for Life: Creating Lasting Passion, Trust, and True Partnership (with Judith Bell)
Support the Movement
Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter.
Wear it. Live it. Show it.
https://StartMattering.com
Disclaimer
The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a licensed physician, therapist, or other qualified professional.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What happens when the frameworks we use to make decisions no longer reflect how human lives actually work?
In this opening episode of the You Matter series on Passion Struck, renowned social psychologist Barry Schwartz joins the show to examine how modern decision-making systems—built on metrics, optimization, and rational choice theory—can quietly erode agency, judgment, and our sense of mattering.
Schwartz is best known for The Paradox of Choice, which revealed how an abundance of options often leads to dissatisfaction rather than freedom. In his new book, Choose Wisely, co-written with philosopher Richard Schuldenfrei, he extends this critique by challenging the foundations of rational choice theory itself—the economic model that assumes good decisions can be reduced to calculation, comparison, and optimization.
While behavioral economics acknowledges human irrationality, Schwartz argues that it preserves an incomplete definition of rational decision-making. Drawing from psychology, economics, and philosophy—and engaging directly with the legacy of Thinking, Fast and Slow—he proposes a richer framework grounded in framing, judgment, and what he calls a person’s “constellation of virtues.”
In this conversation, John R. Miles and Barry Schwartz explore how treating life as a spreadsheet of isolated wins distorts meaning, why judgment has been replaced by formulas, and how mattering is experienced not through utility, but through coherence, contribution, and relational significance over time.
This episode asks a central question for modern life: What does it mean to choose wisely when meaning cannot be quantified?
If you care about decision-making, leadership, autonomy, or how people come to feel significant in systems designed to optimize them, this conversation offers a clarifying and timely perspective.
Passion Struck is the #1 alternative health podcast and personal growth podcast dedicated to human flourishing and the science of mattering. It is ranked #1 on FeedSpot’s list of the Top Passion Podcasts on the Web, recognizing the show’s commitment to thoughtful, human-centered conversations like this one.
Check out Kalshi and use my code SB60 for a great deal: https://kalshi.com
Check the full show notes here: https://passionstruck.com/barry-schwartz-choosing-wisely/
Download a Free Companion Reflection Guide: https://www.theignitedlife.net/p/art-of-choosing-wisely-barry-schwartz
Connect with John Keynote speaking, books, and podcast: https://linktr.ee/John_R_Miles
Pre-Order the Children’s Book You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/
Learn More About Barry Schwartz: https://www.swarthmore.edu/profile/barry-schwartz
The Paradox of Choice
Choose Wisely (with Richard Schuldenfrei)
Available wherever books are sold.
In This Episode, You Will Learn
Why rational choice theory fails to describe how people actually make decisions
How the paradox of choice leads to regret, dissatisfaction, and decision fatigue
Why judgment has been replaced by rules and metrics—and what that costs leaders and organizations
How framing shapes good decisions more than optimization
Why meaning emerges from narrative coherence rather than isolated outcomes
How treating people as interchangeable units of utility undermines mattering
The tension between autonomy and connectedness in modern, pluralistic societies

Support the Movement
Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it. https://StartMattering.com
Disclaimer
The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a licensed physician, therapist, or other qualified professional.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We spend much of our lives searching for meaning through work, relationships, contribution, and purpose. But beneath that search lives a quieter, more fragile question, one we rarely say out loud:
Do I matter even when nothing is being made of me?
In this solo episode of Passion Struck, John R. Miles moves beneath meaning itself to explore what actually holds a life together when direction, productivity, and explanation fall away. Through a deeply personal reflection on his final walk with his sister, Carolyn, he reveals how worth is not something we build or earn, but something that must first be felt and recognized.
This episode explores why meaning can feel unstable when the sense of mattering underneath it has not fully landed and why so many people feel unsettled, because worth has been quietly tied to motion, usefulness, or presence in others’ lives.
Passion Struck is the #1 alternative health podcast and personal growth podcast dedicated to human flourishing and the science of mattering. It is ranked #1 on FeedSpot’s list of the Top Passion Podcasts on the Web, recognizing the show’s ongoing commitment to thoughtful, human-centered conversations like this one.
Check the full show notes here: https://passionstruck.com/the-question-beneath-meaning/
All links gathered here, including books, Substack, YouTube, and Start Mattering apparel:
https://linktr.ee/John_R_Miles
In This Episode, You Will Learn
The Question Beneath Meaning: Why worth precedes purpose and stabilizes identity at a deeper level.
Mattering vs. Meaning: How contribution organizes action, while mattering allows the self to rest without fracture.
Quiet Disorientation: Why internal drift can emerge even when life feels externally complete.
Why Modern Systems Can’t Register Worth: How productivity, engagement, and output crowd out presence.
Carolyn as the Proof Point: How shared presence transmits belonging without instruction or legacy-building.
Contingent Worth: Why motion becomes a stabilizing strategy when worth hasn’t fully integrated.
Stillness as Recognition: How pause, silence, and rest allow worth to land without performance.
The January Inquiry: A gentle question to carry forward without urgency or fixing.
What Comes Next: How the upcoming You Matter series turns recognition outward into daily life, choice, and belonging.
Companion Reflection & Integration Resources
Inside The Ignited Life, each episode in The Meaning Makers series is paired with reflection prompts and grounding practices designed to help you stay with the question long enough for real integration to occur—not to solve it, but to let recognition settle.
Explore the community: https://TheIgnitedLife.net
Connect with the Ecosystem
Pre-order You Matter, Luma (releasing February 24): https://youmatterluma.com/
Support the Movement: https://StartMattering.com
Disclaimer
The Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed are those of the host and guests and do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck or its affiliates. This podcast is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a licensed physician, therapist, or other qualified professional.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.