The Autism Dad

Stephanie Kerns was a teacher before she was an autism mom, and the only autism she had seen up close was in boys. So when her daughter started putting sponges in her mouth and echoing every question back in the exact tone it was asked, the first read was a speech delay.

Her daughter is 14 now, verbal, and diagnosed Level 1, the level everybody hears as easy. Stephanie talks about the hour-long meltdowns before school, the routine that starts at five every morning, and three straight weeks of spirit week that took nightly planning to survive. She talks about the stutter that showed up out of nowhere at 13, and the win when it stopped. And she talks about a creative, funny kid who writes songs with her dad, acts in the school drama program, and does accents her mom can't.

Then there is the part aimed at the rest of us. To the outside world, Stephanie says, autism families can feel like a secret society. Nobody sees the therapy, the paraprofessional, the hunt for friends, the phasing in and phasing out. Inside the community, her message is about finding your people, and what happens to the parents who never do.

And if anyone tells you their kid doesn't look autistic, she has an answer for that. Hang out with her for a day.

Level one does not mean easy. It never has.

CHAPTERS
00:00 Welcome to Seen and Heard
00:25 Meet Stephanie, a teacher before she was an autism mom
01:44 Sponges, echolalia, and hour-long meltdowns
02:53 The IEP at three, and the level that came years later
04:14 Five a.m., routine, and three weeks of spirit week
06:03 Rob on uniforms, and why level one does not mean easy
07:27 The win: a stutter at 13, and phasing out of speech
08:55 Who she is: creative, a writer, a memorizer, an actor
10:03 She doesn't look autistic. Hang out with her for a day
10:57 Rob on his oldest son's regression
12:15 What she wishes the outside world understood
13:41 Does the world see and hear her family
14:29 Finding your people
16:04 Both sides of the IEP table
16:38 Rob on 30 pairs of shoes, and staying curious
19:30 The book, and where to find everything

SPONSOR
#ad This episode is presented by Mightier.

Thanks to Mightier for presenting this episode. Mightier is a biofeedback video game program developed and tested at Boston Children's Hospital. Your kid wears a heart rate monitor and plays games that get harder when they get dysregulated and easier when they calm down. So instead of being told to take a deep breath in the middle of a meltdown, they practice regulation in their own body, at a moment when they can actually feel it working.

It is one of the very few things I have stood behind for years, because it helped my own kids connect the dots when nothing else did.

Visit https://www.mightier.com and use code theautismdad22 for 10% off.

ABOUT SEEN AND HEARD
Seen and Heard is a short series from The Autism Dad Podcast. Real families get about fifteen minutes to describe their actual lives, in their own words, without anyone smoothing it out for them.

MY BOOK
So Your Child Was Just Diagnosed with Autism: Real Talk, Support, and Next Steps from a Dad Who's Been There is out December 29, 2026 from Fair Winds Press. If your child has just been diagnosed with autism, this is your compassionate first step guide from someone who has lived it.

Preorder:
https://theautismdad.com/book/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=book-preorder&utm_content=text-post

MORE FROM ME
Everything I do lives here:
https://theautismdad.com/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=ep-s9e19-stephanie-kerns&utm_content=text-post

Listen to the podcast on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your shows.

QUESTIONS FOR YOU
What do people get wrong about your kid because of how they look?
If your child is diagnosed Level 1, what is the part nobody outside your house sees?
When did you finally find your people, and what took so long?

This episode is presented by Mightier.

In 1988, Jaime and Tracy Parent were stationed in England when their son Bryan was diagnosed with autism. There was nothing out there. No resources, no roadmap, no Rain Man yet. What they found instead was other families, and Jaime says that has been their best resource ever since.

Jaime is a retired Air Force lieutenant colonel with twenty years of service, and a family that moved every three years. Every move meant starting over. New doctors, new teachers, new school district, and a lot of guesswork about which house to buy so they landed in the county with the services Bryan needed.

In this Seen and Heard conversation, he talks about the day clinicians at a UCLA residency program asked what their goals for Bryan were. A job, drive a car, balance a checkbook. He says the looks on their faces were pure pity. You poor delusional people. Bryan is an adult now. He works at Publix, he lives at home, and he competes in Special Olympics bowling, soccer, and basketball.

He also tells the wrestling story. Bryan made the team at Oakland Mills High School in Maryland with no shortcuts, wrestled heavyweight, won matches, and went to regionals, states, and nationals. The first time Jaime watched him wrestle, Bryan got pinned in about thirty seconds. His dad calls it one of the biggest wins of their lives.

Then there is the part aimed at the rest of us. Jaime's advice to other autism families is four words: don't become a wallflower. His message about bureaucracy is that there are big boulders everywhere, but get past them and you will find angels. And his message to military families is one you need before you separate. Autism does not end with your military service.

Jaime B. Parent and Elizabeth Tracy Parent are the authors of The Mission at Home: Navigating Military Assignments, TRICARE, Education, Benefits, and Everyday Life with Your Child on the Autism Spectrum. Available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.

SPONSOR

This episode is presented by Mightier. Mightier is a biofeedback video game program developed and tested at Boston Children's Hospital. Your kid wears a heart rate monitor and plays games that get harder when they get dysregulated and easier when they calm down, so they practice regulation in their own body at a moment when they can feel it working. Visit mightier.com and use code theautismdad22 for 10% off.

Rob's book, So Your Child Was Just Diagnosed with Autism, comes out December 29, 2026. Preorder at theautismdad.com/book.

This episode is sponsored by PESI.
Nicole Carbone's son Luca is almost four, nonspeaking, and diagnosed with Level 2 autism. When he can't tell her what he needs, he bangs his head on whatever is closest. His pain tolerance is high enough that the thing strangers always say, that he'll stop before he really hurts himself, is just not true.
In this Seen and Heard conversation, Nicole talks about the communication barrier underneath the self injury, the AAC device she hopes will ease it, and what it was like to separate her twins into different preschools so Luca could get what he needed. She also talks about the best 40 seconds of her life so far, the day he looked right at her and said "hi mommy" for the first time, and she got it on video.
Then there's the part aimed at the rest of us. A stranger at the park watched Luca hum and asked her if he ever shuts that motor off. And inside the autism community, Nicole says the hardest thing about a Level 2 diagnosis is not the diagnosis. It's the comparing. Her advice is blunt and it applies to every level: don't compare your kid to any other kid.
Nicole is the founder and president of The NEST Project, a nonprofit serving families in Pennsylvania and Ohio that buys what insurance won't cover for kids with special needs. Find them at nestcares.org.
SPONSORThis episode is sponsored by PESI. Their 2026 Kids and Teens Autism Symposium runs November 18 and 19, online, and it is neuro-affirming the whole way through. There is a full session on demand avoidance, for every kid who got called defiant when it was really their nervous system, and another on kids who mask so well they get treated for anxiety instead of what is actually going on. Two hundred dollars for both days, up to 18 CE hours, and a 30 day replay if you cannot be there live. Built for clinicians, and parents can register too. pesi.com/theautismdad
Rob's book, So Your Child Was Just Diagnosed with Autism, comes out December 29, 2026. Preorder at theautismdad.com/book.

Melvin Lopez is autistic. So is his five year old son, Mateo. And the first thing Melvin does in this conversation is take apart the assumption that those two facts give them something in common.

"If you know one person with autism, you know one person with autism." That is a saying in his house.

He talks about a day that starts at 4:30 in the morning because his son does not sleep. Not up and getting ready. Up and fully charged. He talks about fighting his own autism at the exact moment he is trying to parent his son's. And he gives the best description of coping skills I have heard in a long time, which is that nobody buys a good tool for the garage hoping to use it every day, because using it every day means something is always broken.

Then I asked him the question this series is named after. Do you feel seen and heard?

He said, "I feel like I'm tolerated."

He was just as honest about the autism community as he was about everyone outside it. That is why I wanted this one out.

Melvin lives in Clarksville, Tennessee, with his wife and their four children. He was diagnosed autistic as an adult, at Level 2, and has a background in the military. His son Mateo is five, is also Level 2, is in kindergarten, and is in ABA therapy.

Level 2 is the designation that reads "requires substantial support." Melvin served, he works, and he is raising four kids. Both of those things are true at the same time, and that is most of what this episode is about.

SPONSOR

Thanks to Lovebug Probiotics for supporting this episode. Probiotics by age, from babies through adults, focused on digestive and immune support. Go to lovebug.com and use code THEAUTISMDAD20 for 20% off.

These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

ABOUT SEEN AND HEARD

Seen and Heard is a short series from The Autism Dad Podcast. Real families get about fifteen minutes to describe their actual lives, in their own words, without anyone smoothing it out for them.

MY BOOK

So Your Child Was Just Diagnosed with Autism: Real Talk, Support, and Next Steps from a Dad Who's Been There is out December 29, 2026 from Fair Winds Press. If your child has just been diagnosed with autism, this is your compassionate first step guide from someone who has lived it. Preorder at theautismdad.com/book

MORE FROM ME

Everything I do lives at theautismdad.com. More Seen and Heard episodes at listen.theautismdad.com

Melvin does not have public social accounts, so there is nothing to tag.

Dr. Theoharis Theoharides is back, and this time we got into the stuff that has been all over the news. Leucovorin. Tylenol. Benadryl. Underneath the headlines there is actual science, and Dr. Theo walks through what inflammation, mast cells, and folate really have to do with our kids.

The throughline is simple. A diagnosis is a label, not a treatment plan, and there is measurable biology underneath that label that most workups never look at.

Dr. Theo holds five degrees from Yale, spent 37 years at Tufts, has published more than 500 peer reviewed papers, and was the first researcher to connect mast cells to autism. He now runs the Center of Excellence for Neuroinflammation Research in Florida.

In this episode:

- What a mast cell actually is, and why the ones in the brain matter- Propionic acid, and why it is sitting in most kids' cereal- The four things he wants every autism workup to cover- The folate test most kids never get, and why normal bloodwork can still be wrong- A 30-second test you can run at your kitchen table tonight- Why constipation changes behavior more than almost anything he has seen- What to do when your pediatrician refuses to order a test- How to tell a real supplement from an expensive one- Twenty years of autism fads, and why stem cells do not work- When to stop something that is not working

His most honest moment: "I hate the term therapeutic because I don't know what I'm treating."

His best one: "The brain is working. The fact that they don't speak doesn't mean anything."

RESOURCESFRAT, the Folate Receptor Autoantibody Test. Must be ordered by a physician.MTHFR gene analysis.RBC folate and RBC B12, to see what is getting inside the cells.Flat abdominal X-ray, when behavior spikes and nobody can explain it.

FIND DR. THEOdrtheoharides.com, which has an intake form.Instagram: @drtheoharidesHe sees patients in Fort Lauderdale the third week of each month, adolescents and adults only.

FIND ROBtheautismdad.comThe book, So Your Child Was Just Diagnosed with Autism, is out December 29. Preorder at theautismdad.com/book/

DISCLAIMERDr. Theoharides is a physician and PhD pharmacologist with five degrees from Yale and more than 500 peer reviewed publications. This conversation is education, not personalized medical advice. He names specific tests, supplements, medications, and doses, and he gives them as clinical context. The right number for any individual child depends on age, weight, and labs. Do not start, stop, or change anything based on a podcast. Talk to your child's doctor.