3 in 30 Takeaways for Moms

Nine years ago this month, I recorded the very first episode of 3 in 30 in my closet, took a deep breath, and pushed publish. That night I celebrated with my husband and our two little kids, never imagining the people I'd get to learn from or the women I'd get to work alongside in the years ahead.

Every October I look back on that day with a little bit of awe and a lot of gratitude, and this year I wanted to celebrate the show's birthday in a way that felt especially meaningful to me, by handing the microphone to my team members Emily, Christy, Abby, and Steph, who are each sharing the 3 in 30 episode that has made the biggest difference in her life.

What moved me most about their conversation is that none of them expected their episode to be impactful. They came looking for help with their kids, or they almost skipped it altogether, and they walked away having learned something about themselves that shifted how they show up at home.

In this episode, you'll hear:

🎂 The praise strategy Christy says felt "a little bit like a con man" at first, and why she still relies on it

🎂 The permission Abby had been giving her kids for years but never gave herself

🎂 Why Steph dreaded editing the episode that ended up staying with her most.

If 3 in 30 has made a difference for you, the best birthday gift you could give me is to leave a review on Apple Podcasts telling me which episode stood out and why (I read every single one), and then share that episode with a friend. Thanks for nine years of listening!

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

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Related Episodes:

026: How to Praise Your Child When It Feels Like There is Nothing to Praise // Tony Overbay

190: Becoming a Less Angry Mom // Natalie Hixson

401: How Radical Gratitude Can Change Your Life // Dr. Tanmeet Sethi

476: How to Deal with Your Stuff So Your Kids Don't Have To // Eli Harwood

Episode Sponsors:

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Find Your Magic in Motherhood: Free 3-Day Email Course

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The power struggles in our home used to be about car seats and leaving the park. Now they're about phones, sleepovers, and YouTube. But whether you're dealing with little kids you can pick up or teenagers who tower over you, the key to handling power struggles is usually the same.

When a power struggle starts, it's so tempting to dig in and prove who's in charge. But I've learned that the tighter I grip, the harder my kids pull, especially as they get older and need more room to grow.

This week's guest is Denaye Barahona, PhD, child development expert and founder of Simple Families.In this encore conversation, she shares a gentler way through power struggles, one where nobody has to win, and where we can hand over control little by little without losing our connection (and without backing down on the things that matter most!).

In this episode, you'll hear:

💜 The one question Denaye asks herself before she digs in because so many of our standoffs turn out to be about our preferences, not our principles

💜 The irony Denaye points out about kids' attention spans because we complain they can't focus while constantly interrupting what they're focused on

💜 The freezing, miserable family ski day that taught Denaye to change her mind, because sometimes the power struggle we most need to let go of is the one we're having with ourselves

So here's to loosening our grip a little, and to trusting that handing over power, bit by bit, is part of raising kids who can one day hold the power well.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

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Related Episodes:

211: Raising Independent Teens and Tweens // Amy and Margaret from What Fresh Hell Podcast

478: What Every Mom of a Teenager Needs to Hear // Emily Ricks

393: How to Enjoy (Not Just Endure) the Teen Years // Amie Anger, Child & Family Therapist, LCSW



Episode Sponsors:

BetterHelp: 3 in 30 Takeaways for Moms is sponsored by BetterHelp. Go to betterhelp.com/3in30 to get 10% off your first month of online therapy.

Quince: Make your fall wardrobe feel easier. Go to Quince.com for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. Please tell them we sent you!

Ethos: Take 10 minutes to get covered today, with life insurance through Ethos. Get your free quote at Ethos.com/3in30. Application times may vary. Rates may vary.

Let's Connect!

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Get weekly-ish emails with BTS of my life

Find Your Magic in Motherhood: Free 3-Day Email Course

***

The first time my therapist asked me to picture "little Rachel" on the playground, glasses and all, and offer her the comfort she needed, I thought it sounded so woo-woo. I went along with it, but I was skeptical that imagining my younger self could change anything about how I feel today.

What I didn't know then is that there's real science behind exercises like that one. Our sense of worth is built on our memories, and researchers are finding that when we revisit those memories in the right way, we can actually change how they're stored in the brain.This week's guest is Dr. Marisa G. Franco, psychologist and author of Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment.

She explains that even though low self-esteem can feel permanent, the truth is much more hopeful: self-worth is a skill, and there are simple, research-backed practices that can help you build it at any age.

In this episode, you'll learn:

🧠 Why love and success can actually feel threatening when your self-esteem is low (hint: they don't fit the story you've been telling yourself about who you are)

🧠 The ordinary childhood memory (involving soccer practice pickup) that shaped how Marisa felt every time someone ran late, and what shifted once she revisited it as her adult self

🧠 What Tetris has to do with softening painful memoriesIf you've spent years assuming that the way you feel about yourself is just who you are, I hope this conversation shows you that it can change, one memory and one moment of self-kindness at a time.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

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Related Episodes:

433: Making Friends as a Mom: Why It's Hard—and How to Do It Anyway // Dr. Marisa G. Franco

386: Raising Securely Attached Kids // Eli Harwood

245: You're Exactly Where You Need to Be // Alison Faulkner



Episode Sponsors:

Tushy: For a limited time, our listeners get 10% off their first bidet order when you go to hellotushy.com and use code 3in30 at checkout.

Quince: Make your summer wardrobe feel easier. Go to Quince.com/3in30 for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.

Zenni: Go to zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for fifteen percent off your first order, plus free shipping on all US orders over sixty five dollars.

Rebel⁠: Brand names you actually want in home, baby, and outdoor at up to 70% off. Go to ⁠fromrebel.com⁠.

⁠Ethos⁠: Take 10 minutes to get covered today, with life insurance through Ethos. Get your free quote at ⁠Ethos.com/3in30⁠ Application times may vary. Rates may vary.

Let's Connect!

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***

When I interviewed Shawnee for this episode, I had to chuckle, because one of the things she listed as soul-care was volunteering for her kids' PTO. As an introvert, I think of the PTO as the classic example of something moms finally learn to say no to, so seeing it on her list of things that fill her up was the perfect reminder that there's no single right way to be a good mom.



That's the heart of the Self-Assured Motherhood Program. I'm not here to tell you what kind of mom to be. I'm here to help you figure out who you already are, what you need to thrive, and how to love your people in a way that's truly yours.This week's guest is Shawnee Burt, a SAM alum and mom of four who shares one takeaway from each of the three SAM pillars.

If you've ever felt guilty for loving the parts of motherhood that other moms skip, or for needing time that's just for you, this conversation will give you permission to stop apologizing and start enjoying the mom you are.

In this episode, you'll hear:

💜 The strengths night Shawnee threw for her friends, the "Bosom Beavers," after spending time digging into her own strengths, and why a few tears were shed

💜 The Alice in Wonderland party Shawnee spent weeks preparing for, and why she no longer feels guilty about it (even though her husband is convinced their house will never recover)

💜 The whiteboard calendar in Shawnee's hallway, and why Mom gets her own color on it

Whether you're a mom who goes all out for birthdays or one who'd rather keep things quiet and connected, I hope this episode reminds you that your strengths make you the best mom for your kids.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

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Announcements:

🌟 Enrollment for the Self-Assured Motherhood Program closes Tuesday, September 22, at midnight MT! This is the last year I'll teach SAM in its current format. Classes begin October 1st. I hope you'll join me! Enroll at selfassuredmotherhood.com.

Related Episodes:

502: 3 Principles that Carried Me Through a Really Difficult Summer

495: Celebrate Your Strengths // Back-to-School Check-In for Moms #2

436: Embrace the Mom You Are—Not the One You Think You Should Be // Julie Bastedo

Episode Sponsors:

BetterHelp: 3 in 30 Takeaways for Moms is sponsored by BetterHelp. Go to betterhelp.com/3in30 to get 10% off your first month of online therapy.

Quince: Make your summer wardrobe feel easier. Go to Quince.com/3in30 for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.

Zenni: Go to zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for fifteen percent off your first order, plus free shipping on all US orders over sixty five dollars.

Rebel: Brand names you actually want in home, baby, and outdoor at up to 70% off. Go to fromrebel.com.

Ethos: Take 10 minutes to get covered today, with life insurance through Ethos. Get your free quote at Ethos.com/3in30 Application times may vary. Rates may vary.

Let's Connect!

Join me on Instagram!

Get weekly-ish emails with BTS of my life

Find Your Magic in Motherhood: Free 3-Day Email Course

***

A few years ago, I did something in a moment of anger that I'm still a little embarrassed to talk about. It involved one of my kids, a Saturday chore list, and a TV that did not survive the afternoon.

You may never have broken anything, but I'd guess you know the feeling that comes next, that sick regret of realizing you just showed up as someone other than the mom you want to be. Maybe for you it looks like yelling, or shutting down, or disappearing into your phone when your kids need you. Whatever it looks like, those moments usually aren't random. They're often pointing straight at what matters most to you.

This bonus episode is the replay of my free class, How to Show Up More Like the Mom You Want to Be Every Day (Give or Take a Few!), where I teach Voice Your Values, the first principle in my Self-Assured Motherhood framework. Once you understand your values, your hardest parenting moments start to make sense, and that understanding makes it so much easier to forgive yourself, repair with your kids, and stay calmer next time.

In this episode, you'll learn:

💜 Why I broke a TV on a Saturday afternoon (and what it finally taught me about my triggers)

💜 A simple way to calm yourself in the moment when your kids push your buttons, so you can respond instead of react

💜 How to repair after you crash out in a way that helps your kids understand you, without excusing how you acted

Whether your kids are in diapers or driving, I hope this class helps you meet your hard moments, and yourself, with a lot more compassion.

⏳ Heads up: This replay is only available through Tuesday, September 22nd, and then we'll be taking it down.

✨ Enrollment for Self-Assured Motherhood (SAM) is open through Tuesday, September 22nd at midnight! This program will help you show up as the mom you want to be more often, in this season and every one after it. This is the final year I'll be teaching SAM in this format, and I would love to have you. Learn more and enroll at 3in30podcast.com/sam. Have questions? My team would love to help at [email protected].