3 in 30 Takeaways for Moms

The first time my therapist asked me to picture "little Rachel" on the playground, glasses and all, and offer her the comfort she needed, I thought it sounded so woo-woo. I went along with it, but I was skeptical that imagining my younger self could change anything about how I feel today.

What I didn't know then is that there's real science behind exercises like that one. Our sense of worth is built on our memories, and researchers are finding that when we revisit those memories in the right way, we can actually change how they're stored in the brain.This week's guest is Dr. Marisa G. Franco, psychologist and author of Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment.

She explains that even though low self-esteem can feel permanent, the truth is much more hopeful: self-worth is a skill, and there are simple, research-backed practices that can help you build it at any age.

In this episode, you'll learn:

🧠 Why love and success can actually feel threatening when your self-esteem is low (hint: they don't fit the story you've been telling yourself about who you are)

🧠 The ordinary childhood memory (involving soccer practice pickup) that shaped how Marisa felt every time someone ran late, and what shifted once she revisited it as her adult self

🧠 What Tetris has to do with softening painful memoriesIf you've spent years assuming that the way you feel about yourself is just who you are, I hope this conversation shows you that it can change, one memory and one moment of self-kindness at a time.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

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Related Episodes:

433: Making Friends as a Mom: Why It's Hard—and How to Do It Anyway // Dr. Marisa G. Franco

386: Raising Securely Attached Kids // Eli Harwood

245: You're Exactly Where You Need to Be // Alison Faulkner



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Rebel: Brand names you actually want in home, baby, and outdoor at up to 70% off. Go to fromrebel.com.

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When I interviewed Shawnee for this episode, I had to chuckle, because one of the things she listed as soul-care was volunteering for her kids' PTO. As an introvert, I think of the PTO as the classic example of something moms finally learn to say no to, so seeing it on her list of things that fill her up was the perfect reminder that there's no single right way to be a good mom.



That's the heart of the Self-Assured Motherhood Program. I'm not here to tell you what kind of mom to be. I'm here to help you figure out who you already are, what you need to thrive, and how to love your people in a way that's truly yours.This week's guest is Shawnee Burt, a SAM alum and mom of four who shares one takeaway from each of the three SAM pillars.

If you've ever felt guilty for loving the parts of motherhood that other moms skip, or for needing time that's just for you, this conversation will give you permission to stop apologizing and start enjoying the mom you are.

In this episode, you'll hear:

💜 The strengths night Shawnee threw for her friends, the "Bosom Beavers," after spending time digging into her own strengths, and why a few tears were shed

💜 The Alice in Wonderland party Shawnee spent weeks preparing for, and why she no longer feels guilty about it (even though her husband is convinced their house will never recover)

💜 The whiteboard calendar in Shawnee's hallway, and why Mom gets her own color on it

Whether you're a mom who goes all out for birthdays or one who'd rather keep things quiet and connected, I hope this episode reminds you that your strengths make you the best mom for your kids.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

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Announcements:

🌟 Enrollment for the Self-Assured Motherhood Program closes Tuesday, September 22, at midnight MT! This is the last year I'll teach SAM in its current format. Classes begin October 1st. I hope you'll join me! Enroll at selfassuredmotherhood.com.

Related Episodes:

502: 3 Principles that Carried Me Through a Really Difficult Summer

495: Celebrate Your Strengths // Back-to-School Check-In for Moms #2

436: Embrace the Mom You Are—Not the One You Think You Should Be // Julie Bastedo

Episode Sponsors:

BetterHelp: 3 in 30 Takeaways for Moms is sponsored by BetterHelp. Go to betterhelp.com/3in30 to get 10% off your first month of online therapy.

Quince: Make your summer wardrobe feel easier. Go to Quince.com/3in30 for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.

Zenni: Go to zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for fifteen percent off your first order, plus free shipping on all US orders over sixty five dollars.

Rebel: Brand names you actually want in home, baby, and outdoor at up to 70% off. Go to fromrebel.com.

Let's Connect!

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Find Your Magic in Motherhood: Free 3-Day Email Course

***

A few years ago, I did something in a moment of anger that I'm still a little embarrassed to talk about. It involved one of my kids, a Saturday chore list, and a TV that did not survive the afternoon.

You may never have broken anything, but I'd guess you know the feeling that comes next, that sick regret of realizing you just showed up as someone other than the mom you want to be. Maybe for you it looks like yelling, or shutting down, or disappearing into your phone when your kids need you. Whatever it looks like, those moments usually aren't random. They're often pointing straight at what matters most to you.

This bonus episode is the replay of my free class, How to Show Up More Like the Mom You Want to Be Every Day (Give or Take a Few!), where I teach Voice Your Values, the first principle in my Self-Assured Motherhood framework. Once you understand your values, your hardest parenting moments start to make sense, and that understanding makes it so much easier to forgive yourself, repair with your kids, and stay calmer next time.

In this episode, you'll learn:

💜 Why I broke a TV on a Saturday afternoon (and what it finally taught me about my triggers)

💜 A simple way to calm yourself in the moment when your kids push your buttons, so you can respond instead of react

💜 How to repair after you crash out in a way that helps your kids understand you, without excusing how you acted

Whether your kids are in diapers or driving, I hope this class helps you meet your hard moments, and yourself, with a lot more compassion.

⏳ Heads up: This replay is only available through Tuesday, September 22nd, and then we'll be taking it down.

✨ Enrollment for Self-Assured Motherhood (SAM) is open through Tuesday, September 22nd at midnight! This program will help you show up as the mom you want to be more often, in this season and every one after it. This is the final year I'll be teaching SAM in this format, and I would love to have you. Learn more and enroll at 3in30podcast.com/sam. Have questions? My team would love to help at [email protected].

A few weeks ago, I wasn't sure I was going to open enrollment for my Self-Assured Motherhood Program this year. Of all the work I do, SAM is where I feel like I'm making the biggest difference, but I honestly didn't know if I had it in me.

My brother-in-law Logan died unexpectedly this summer, at 44 years old, and I spent most of the season at my sister's house doing dishes, walking the dog, and sitting with her in her sadness. I barely worked at all, which was exactly how it needed to be. But when my kids went back to school and I thought about gearing myself up for another enrollment period for SAM, everything in me said no. In the middle of that much loss, it was honestly hard to remember why any of my work even matters.

What changed my mind was a journaling session. As I wrote about my summer, I could see that the SAM principles had been holding me up in my deep grief, and I hadn't noticed it happening while it was happening.

That's what today's episode is about, because these principles aren't only useful in the seasons when you have the energy to become a little more intentional or a little more confident. The longer you practice them, they become what you default to when you're going through really difficult times. Today I'm walking through the first three principles of the SAM framework and how each one showed up for me during an excruciating summer.

In this episode, you'll hear:

💜 What was taped to the wall behind my sister's desk since 2022, and how it ended up in Logan's obituary

💜 The one thing I never did, not once, in a whole month of caring for a grieving family

💜 Why I canceled a signed contract on our house in late July

These experiences are deeply personal to me, but I really do believe they're universal in application, because when you know yourself and honor your needs, you can better love and support your people. That's the whole heart of SAM, and I'd love to spend this year walking through it with a new group of women.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

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Announcements:

✨ Enrollment for the Self-Assured Motherhood program is open through Tuesday, September 22nd, and it only opens once a year. Classes start October 1st. All the details are at 3in30podcast.com/sam.

✨ Still deciding? Join me for a free preview class on Tuesday, September 15th or Friday, September 18th at 10:30 a.m. MT. Sign up at 3in30podcast.com/freeclass, and I'll send the replay if you can't make it live.

✨ Logan's full life sketch is on my sister's blog

Related Episodes:

484: In Memory of Logan McKenna: A Conversation with my Beloved Brother-in-Law

448: Join Our Team! A Word from our SAM Sisters

316: Considering the SAM Program? You MUST listen to this.

Episode Sponsors:

BetterHelp: 3 in 30 Takeaways for Moms is sponsored by BetterHelp. Go to betterhelp.com/3in30 to get 10% off your first month of online therapy.

Quince: Make your summer wardrobe feel easier. Go to Quince.com/3in30 for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.

Zenni: Go to zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for fifteen percent off your first order, plus free shipping on all US orders over sixty five dollars.

Rebel: Brand names you actually want in home, baby, and outdoor at up to 70% off. Go to fromrebel.com.

Let's Connect!

Join me on Instagram!

Get weekly-ish emails with BTS of my life

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***

The sign-ups have started coming in. Fall sports, piano, dance, school plays – it's a lot. And while we know we want our kids to be involved in things so they can thrive, too often we're left burned out and... not thriving.

It's easy to assume the problem is the number of activities, and that the fix is to cut something. And sometimes it is. But a lot of the time, the schedule isn't actually the thing making us feel resentful or burned out or exhausted, and cutting out activites won't necessarily touch what's really going on.

This week's guest is Meesha Slade, a mom of three busy kids, and she goes underneath the scheduling question, to the question I think we are actually asking, which is, "How do I do this in a way that doesn't cost me myself?"

In this episode, you'll hear:

🚗 The brain dump Meesha did while sitting outside her son's TaeKwonDo class, and what showed up on the page that helped her resentment start to lift

🚗 The two hours Meesha spent stewing in a Scout room, and the boundary she set that night that has held ever since

🚗 Why Meesha's daughter was willing to join the swim team but refused to compete in a single meet for three years, and why Meesha decided to accept it

This episode isn't going to tell you the right number of activities for your family, because there isn't one. Instead, you'll walk away with more confidence to know what's best for your family during this season so that each person in your family can thrive, including you.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

***

Announcements:

If this episode has you thinking that you'd like to get clearer on what actually matters to you, I'm teaching a free class called How to Show Up More Like the Mom You Want to Be Every Day (Give or Take a Few), offered twice: Tuesday, September 15th and Friday, September 18th, both at 10:30 am MST. In one hour, I'll walk you through the same kind of exercise that helped Meesha see her values on paper. Save your spot at 3in30podcast.com/freeclass.

Related Episodes:

494: Voice Your Values // The Back-to-School Check-In for Moms #1

473: Three Things That Help Me Stay Sane During Busy, Overwhelming Seasons

375: 3 Ways Voicing Your Values will Help Lighten your Mental Load // Rachel Nielson on the Happy Mom Summit

Episode Sponsors:

Quince: Make your summer wardrobe feel easier. Go to Quince.com/3in30 for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.

Zenni: Go to zenni.com/podcast and use code PODCAST15 for fifteen percent off your first order, plus free shipping on all US orders over sixty five dollars.

Rebel: Brand names you actually want in home, baby, and outdoor at up to 70% off. Go to fromrebel.com.

Let's Connect!

Join me on Instagram!

Get weekly-ish emails with BTS of my life

Find Your Magic in Motherhood: Free 3-Day Email Course

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